Dealing with Anger

Unhealthy anger is… An overreaction to a justified wrong

Considerations

In the athletic world, it is sometimes more acceptable to express anger and not other emotions. Therefore, many people will act angry when they are really feeling something else that they are uncomfortable expressing.

Stress ♦ Disappointment ♦ Frustration ♦ Fear ♦ Annoyance ♦ Hurt

Resentment ♦ Shame ♦ Embarrassment

Anger is a Normal Emotion that Becomes a Problem when It

Is too intense

Lasts too long

Occurs too frequently

Escalates

Overreacting to a justified wrong

Carries over on field/off field (environment/situations)

Focuses and blames only “others” – world, situation, anything except self

Is harmful to self or others

Leads to aggression or violence

Destroys personal relationships

Some common causes of anger are:

Being too ego-driven or invested — Taking it TOO personally
Getting sucked in — No longer looking for ways out (exits) or solutions

People who fight often:

Misinterpret the intent or motives of others
Are unable to see alternative rationales
Are openly and frequently defiant of requests
Vocalize anger: furious temper, uncontrollable fits of rage
Demean or swear directly to parent or others in authority positions
Make threats; are aggressive
Seem to have “emotional diarrhea,” and “lets it all out, all the time”
Have difficulty accepting “No” for an answer
Do not follow rules; often feels rules are “stupid,” or don’t apply
Destroy property
Are physically cruel to animals
Are physically cruel to people
Initiate fights with others
Seriously violate rules (at home, in school, or society in general)

Action Steps

Create plans together to avoid high-risk situations and consequences
Be aware of triggers
Be aware of defined danger:
- mad dogging
- dirty looks
- Is another individual looking for a fight?
Do not try to detain angry individuals — even if they run away
Interrupt the situation/Distract the people involved
Beware of increasing aggressive behavior and try to diffuse the situation

What bystanders should remind the individuals involved:

STOP AND THINK – Is it worth it in the long run?
REMOVE THE DRAMA
REMOVE THE EGO
Avoid Retaliation/Escalation
Agree with rationale but challenge the action
Focus on solving the problem NOT winning the “fight”
Don’t get caught up in the moment and don’t let others bring them down. Think of the big picture
Try to see it from a different point of view – feeling anger and empathy at the same time are incompatible responses

What bystanders should do for themselves:

WALK AWAY if the situation is unsafe.
Stay calm, cool and collected.
Contact 9-1-1 if necessary

UTC RAVE Alert